How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
