first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
