hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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