WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
