spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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