is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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