hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
