My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize