I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Randomize
