he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
