I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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