Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize