: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
