On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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