in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
barbara walters just said penis...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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