On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
