Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
