Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
