im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
