i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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