Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
