What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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