Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
