I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
