we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
