I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
