I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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