i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
where are my eyebrows?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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