i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My cat gives me a boner
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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