dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
