so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
