I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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