Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
