She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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