I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
