Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
