I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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