He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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