Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
