if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
