got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
