You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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