"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Randomize
