My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
