I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
