Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is Oprah even human
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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