Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
