Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
