My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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