Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
