Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
