He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
