I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
