Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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