I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
