He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
