Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
