this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
