dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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