He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
