someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
