Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
