I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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