Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Help. Why am I so naked?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
