did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
